I wanna be a drug-sniffing dog
So I can snort coke all night long
Bite my master when it suits me
Get off on diminished capacity

Hey!

I wanna be a customs man
I snoop through your stuff 'cause I can
Sneaky-peeky pry through your private lives
Stroke your panties jackin' off at lunch

Hey-Oh, Hey-Oh-Ho!
Sure beats Alpo

It's the life
It's the stink
It's the attitude

I wanna be a San Francisco cop
So I can speed and run red lights
And sure as Rodney was a King
We got ways to make you sing

It's the life
It's the stink
It's the attitude

We can seize everything
Houses, cars and life savings
Keep the loot for ourselves
Fake drug charge works every time

I wanna join the Christian Coalition
So I can molest my children
None suspect me 'cause I've been saved
'Til my stepdaughter drowns her kids in a lake

Hey-Oh, Hey-Oh-Ho!
Spare rod
Spoil the child

It's the life
It's the stink
Choose your masks